i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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