That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
