Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
