If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
