i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
