hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
