she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
NoShamevember. You game?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
