i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
