I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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