Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
