your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
