is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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