Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
