I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
