girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
