and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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