Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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