having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
