I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
