And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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