That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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