My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
