I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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