There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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