I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
