One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
