Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
