I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
