I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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