What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
