I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
