Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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