I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
