I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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