This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
