im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
