Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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