My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
