It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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