He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
