My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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