and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want a musical about memes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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