I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
