i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
