I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
