I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
