No awkward lesbian experiences without me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
