Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
