a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
