if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
