That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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