I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
