Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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