420 ftw
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
