You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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